Last February was a particularly rough time for me. I’ve was dealing with the administrative burden of my mother’s passing, which made is for me impossible to grieve. There were complicating circumstances around her death that made things even more difficult. I was also orchestrating the move of my things that were still in her house to my home in Ecuador, and there were a lot of uncertainties related to customs. I also had other additional things happening in life, and the sum of all these things was just a lot to carry. Oh, and a war broke out in Europe as well, on top of two years of living through a global pandemic.
I managed to keep functioning at work, but I had less interest in the things that I enjoy doing. I had no energy for working out, meditating, and my hobbies. I was aware of these bad signs, and knew that if things would not improve, I would need to look for help.
Since there were external factors at play, I wanted to wait a bit and see the outcome of some of the more complex administrative tangles related to my mother’s passing, and await the arrival of my stuff. Again, I’m not saying that if you find yourself in a difficult patch, you should just wait it out. If you need help, seek help. And, in my case, I know myself quite well, and I wanted to see the impact of removing these external pressures first.
Luckily, with those external complications cleared up, I felt as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Of course, one does not come out of a slump by flipping a switch. I came out slowly. I focused on gentle yoga and doing things that feel soothing to me in the first stage. Then, I started to slowly pick up my workouts again, and add my morning meditations back to my routine.
And, bit by bit, the cloud cleared up for me. I installed a few new habits that feel right for me in this season in life. I’ve been scheduling things just for myself during the week, such as going for a massage over my lunch break. I’ve indulged in lots of Netflix and books that are easy to read. More than anything, I have not tried to push myself through this difficult time, but have allowed myself the time and space, and to allow grief to form part of my life as I come out of this winter season.